Loving someone is hard
by TonksDora
Summary: Draco is in love with Harry, but Harry is seeing someone else. Will Draco ever get Harry for himself?
1. Draco's secrets

There were many things that Draco wanted but couldn't get. Everyone except other Slytherins thought that Draco was a spoiled brat who had everything he wanted. His parents bought him expensive clothes and other stuff but he didn't care about those. Besides he knew his parents didn't buy him those to make him happy. It was because they wanted everyone to see they had money and power. Sure Draco liked to look cool but it wasn't that important to him. He was in a Quidditch team but not because of his talents. Sure he was a good player but not the best one. On the top of everything he was very handsome. So what was the problem? He could have almost any girl he wanted. But he didn't want any of them. Sure he was in love but not with one of them. Draco had loads of dreams that didn't come true. And they were secrets. No-one knew what was in his heart. Every day he acted cool and happy and oh-so-Slytherin. But every night he let his dreams fill his every thought.

In his mind Draco did a list of things he wanted. He wanted his parents to love him for who he was and to accept him. He wanted to make his own decisions without someone (usually his parents) to say it was a wrong choice. He wanted to stop acting and show everyone who he really was. And he wanted to fly with a hippogriff some day. But most of all he wanted to be with the one he loved and to be loved. Of course none of his dreams seemed to come true, but a boy can wish, right?

Every day Draco had to see his love with another boy. It hurt so badly. Draco had some friends but usually he was alone. He didn't like to spend time with his friends; they weren't that close to him. And they didn't really know the real Draco anyway.

"Why on earth Harry is with him rather than with me?" he thought. "What Seamus does have that I don't?" Seamus was in Gryffindor just like Harry and they had been friends since first week at Hogwarts. But still Draco couldn't understand why Harry had to be with him. They were friends. Friends! Not lovers. _And Harry would be so much happier with me,_ Draco added in his mind. Of course there was this little problem that Harry and Draco weren't even friends. They never had been. And Harry didn't even know that Draco liked boys. And he kind of looked happy with Seamus. But still Draco knew they didn't belong together. They couldn't.

Harry walked with Seamus hand in hand. They had had a really nice day. They didn't notice Draco looking at them. "Oh I almost forgot! I promised to meet Hermione in the library today .She's helping me with my homework… Wanna come too?" Harry asked Seamus. "Nah, I don't want to study today… I think I just hang out with Dean or something. If you don't mind." Seamus said. "Yeah that's okay. I should go soon… Meet me later?" Harry asked. Seamus just smiled and nodded. They talked a while and then Harry kissed Seamus quickly and left.

Harry and Hermione studied a couple of hours. In the meantime Draco was walking in the castle; he had nothing better to do. Suddenly he heard someone whispering. First he didn't care about that but then he heard someone say Harrys name. Draco stopped and realized that the voices came from an empty classroom next to Draco. He walked quietly to the door and looked through the key hole. He saw Seamus and Dean talking. Draco almost turned away; he didn't want to hear Seamus telling Dean about his relationship with Harry. But then he heard more. "What about Harry?" Dean asked and he sounded annoyed. "Well what if someone sees us and tells him…" Seamus started but Dean interrupted him by kissing him to the lips. The kiss was passionate and Draco turned away; he didn't want to see if they got any further than that. _Harry has to know,_ he thought. _But I can't tell him. How will I let him know? _


	2. Draco interferes

Hi! I know it has been very long time since I wrote here last time. Hope you still want to read this story. I've had very much personal stuff in my life so I haven't had any time to write… But here's another chapter. Hope you like it!

Next morning Draco saw Harry and Seamus again together. It made him angry; everything from last night came to his mind. _How Seamus can be so cruel to Harry?_ Draco wondered. _If I were with him, I would never do that. I would show everyone, especially Harry, how much I love him. _Draco moved closer so he could hear what they were talking about. Apparently eavesdropping was his habit now. "And then Hermione made me understand it, it was so simple when I realized it!" Harry told Seamus. "So how was your night? What did you guys do?" "Well, you know the usual. Played a little chess and Dean told me about his girl-trouble." Seamus answered. "Ron told me he hadn't seen you in the common room" Harry said. "Yeah, well, you know Dean. He wanted to talk to me in private so no-one else would hear." Seamus said and Harry nodded. "So, tonight, we can do something special together. Just you and me." Harry tried but Seamus shook his head. "I'm sorry, honey, but I already promised to meet Dean tonight. You know, he's been lonely since you and I started dating. Maybe tomorrow night?" Harry looked disappointed but said "Sure."

Harry was walking with Hermione and Ron inside the castle. Draco heard them talking and laughing and he almost felt bad about his plan. Harry would be so miserable soon. But this was something he had to do, so Harry would be happy one day again. _First I have to get them to walk to the right direction,_ Draco thought. Draco knew where Seamus and Dean were, at least he had a guess that they were in the same room than yesterday.

Draco followed Harry, Ron and Hermione and wasn't surprised at all when they went to the library. Very quietly he walked into the library and took a little box out of his pocket. He put the box on a table and left the library. He sat on the floor outside the library and listened if Harry or his friends would start talking soon. After a while he heard Ron's voice. "Harry, there's something that has your name on it," Ron sounded surprised.

Harry and Hermione walked towards Ron. "It's a box," Hermione said. "I can see that," Harry answered and took the box from Ron. "Why would anyone leave something for me here? Why not leave it in my room or give it to me directly or something. I mean, how would a person know I would come here? Even I didn't know until a few minutes ago." Harry was just starting to open the box when Hermione slapped her hand on it. "Harry! Don't open it, at least not here. What if it's something dangerous?" On the other side of the wall Draco rolled his eyes. "Fine, let's go back outside so I can open it" Harry said firmly and Draco had to hurry so the trio wouldn't see him on their way out.

Draco went to the other side of the castle so they wouldn't notice him. Harry and his friends went outside and Harry started to open the box before Hermione had time to try and stop him again. "What is it?" Ron was asking behind Harry's shoulder. "It's a note," Harry answered and started to read the paper. A wide, happy smile appeared into Harry's face. "It's from Seamus," he said. "He wants to be with me, alone. He must have seen us going to the library… I'm sure he said he had plans with Dean so he could surprise me. Wonder what he's up to?" Harry babbled more to himself than to Hermione and Ron. Harry showed the note to Hermione. "And you thought it could be dangerous!" Harry laughed happily. Hermione read the note out loud so Ron could hear it too. "Come to the empty classroom next to the broom closet in third floor. Come alone and as soon as you can. Love you! Xoxo." "See you later, mate!" Ron shouted after Harry when Harry turned around and walked quickly inside the castle.

Harry knew the classroom very well. It had been unused for a long time and Harry had used it many times when he needed to be alone in private. "Hi honey!" Harry said happily when he opened the door, but then he froze. The smile disappeared from his face and his face turned all white. He didn't want to see them but he couldn't turn around. He just looked at Seamus and Dean, both without shirts and hands around each other. They were kissing but they stopped when they noticed Harry. "Harry?" Seamus asked surprised and pulled away from Dean. "It's not what it looks like." Somehow Harry got his voice back and was able to speak –or shout. "That's the stupidest thing anyone could say in this situation! Not what it looks like? I guess you were playing wizard chess and I just imagined the other stuff, " Harry said surprisingly calmly. "How could you?" Harry started to cry. "Is this some kind of a sick joke? You left me a note to come here to see you snogging someone else? And Dean of all people, I mean he was supposed to be my friend." Harry continued. "You were supposed to be my friend!" He shouted at Dean so loud that Dean jumped. Harry turned back to Seamus, who was speechless. "Why did you do this? What have I done to you? If you didn't love me anymore why not just break up with me? Did you two enjoy humiliating me? And you said you wanted to wait before your first time, that you wanted it to be special. Well I guess this is so special to you two" Harry said tears in his eyes. Seamus and Dean could hear the hurt in his voice. "I just don't get it, if you wanted to humiliate me, why you wanted me to come alone. " Harry turned away and ran away. "Harry, wait!" Seamus, who got his voice back, shouted after him. Dean just stared after Harry, shocked. "What note was he talking about?" he asked. "I really don't know," Seamus answered while he pulled his shirt back on. "I'm so sorry," Dean said. "Don't be, it's not your fault. I have to go after him now, to explain." Seamus quickly kissed Dean before running after Harry.

Seamus couldn't reach Harry. Harry was faster than him and he had run to the forest already. Harry didn't even know where he was going, he just wanted to escape. He barely saw anything because his eyes were so full of tears. _How could he do this to me?_ was all he could think about. Harry sat under a tree and cried. He didn't know how long he had been there when he noticed it was dark. He didn't care. His heart was broken and he didn't care about anything anymore. Finally he fell asleep under the tree.


	3. Harry's heartache

The next morning Harry woke up, still under the tree. He wasn't alone, Hedwig had found him. Harry didn't know that also Draco were there behind some bushes so Harry wouldn't see him when he woke up. Draco had been searching Harry for a long time before he found him under a tree. Harry had been asleep already and his cheeks had been wet with tears. Draco had touched Harry's cheek and hair and sat there beside him for a long time before he realized that if Harry woke up and saw him he would be angry. So, unwillingly, Draco had moved and sat behind some bushes and watched Harry from there.

Harry started to talk to Hedwig and Draco felt uncomfortable; again he eavesdropped! But what choice did he have? If he would leave now Harry would notice him and then he would know Draco had been watching him. So Draco tried not to listen what Harry talked to Hedwig, but it was impossible. They were so close to each other and the forest was quiet, the only sound was Harrys. "Hedwig, how can I go back there? How can I face them again? I just don't understand why he did this to me. To leave me, I would understand. But why like this?" Harry asked and Hedwig watched him and looked like she understood how Harry felt. "Anyway I HAVE TO go there; I have nowhere else to go. And Hermione and Ron are there… And Hogwarts is my home; I won't let them drive me away from there. Come Hedwig, let's go to breakfast" Harry said firmly and stood up. He started to walk towards the castle and Hedwig flew beside him.

After a while Draco stood up too and left back to school. _At least Harry is safe now and feeling a little better_, he thought. _Maybe he'll be alright soon. I just wish there was something I could do…_ Draco thought. A little voice inside his head told him he had already done enough but he interrupted the voice by thinking that he wasn't the one to blame, he hadn't done anything wrong. It all was Seamus' fault. And Dean's. Soon Draco was at school and went to breakfast, too. He was hungry; he had been awake all night and had had nothing to eat.

"Harry, thank goodness you're okay! Where were you?" Hermione asked and ran to Harry the minute Harry walked into the Great Hall. "I was…" Harry started but he was interrupted by Seamus who ran towards Harry and his friends. "Harry! Where have you been? Are you all right? I was so worried about you, I'm so sorry…" Seamus spoke very fast but stopped when Harry's fist hit his face. "Don't EVER talk to me again!" Harry shouted. "I don't wanna hear from you, ever again." Harry was just about to hit Seamus again when professors Snape and McGonagall came running there. "Mr. Potter! What do you think you're doing!" Minerva shouted and grabbed Harry's shoulders. "Why don't you ask Seamus?" Harry said without taking his eyes away from Seamus. "Mr. Finnegan?" Severus asked while looking at Harry. "It's not my fault, I came to talk to Harry and he just started to hit me" Seamus started but was interrupted by Harry "That's not true and you know it! Don't lie again, for once in your life tell the truth!" Harry shouted and Hermione and Ron just watched horrified. They didn't know anything about the situation and they didn't know what to say or do. "Mr. Potter that is enough. Detention. Tomorrow after Potions class." Severus said. "Severus, Harry is my student and it's up to me, not you, to decide appropriate punishment for him." Minerva said to Snape. Snape stared at Harry for a while, then said nothing, turned and walked away. "Mr. Finnegan, Mr. Weasley and Ms. Granger can go and finish their breakfast. Mr. Potter, you come with me to my room." Minerva said and her tone was so furious that Harry didn't even think anything else than follow her. Seamus went back to Dean and Hermione and Ron left the Great Hall while other students still watched quietly.

"I'm so sorry Seamus" Dean said and touched his hand. "But at least now you're free from Harry for good." Seamus gave Dean a little smile. "That scene was ugly. But it made me look like innocent and Harry like a crazy person. So no-one wonders why I'm not with him anymore and we can be together at peace." They didn't notice Draco, who was listening to them.

"Mr. Potter, what in the world happened out there?" Minerva asked when they were sitting at her office. When Harry said nothing Minerva tried to calm down a little. "I know, everyone here knows, that you are together with Seamus." "Not anymore" Harry said. "But that didn't look, or sound, like a normal fight between a couple. You're not kids anymore, you know how to behave. I will ask you again, what happened?" "Professor, I'm sorry but it's a personal thing." Harry answered. "I'm sorry too. I can see you're not yourself and that you're hurting. But I have to give you a detention. And I will inform your Godfather for this. Because Sirius is your guardian nowadays, I have to send him an owl and tell him what you did. It is out of rules to punch people here at Hogwarts. Now, if you don't have anything else to say, I'll let you go and have your breakfast. And don't be late for transfiguration class or Gryffindor will lose points, too." Minerva said. Harry stood up and left the room and left Minerva alone, staring after him.

Harry wasn't surprised when he saw Hermione and Ron behind McGonagall's room. "Harry! Are you okay? What happened?" Hermione asked. "I don't want to talk about it" Harry said. They went to Great Hall so Harry could it something. "What did happen between you and Seamus? I'm sure you can fix this" Ron said to Harry. "No we won't. He…He used me. I don't know if he ever even wanted me. He just wanted to be with Dean and humiliate me…" Harry started but he had to stop when he noticed he was crying again. Ron and Hermione were quiet; they didn't know what to say.

After breakfast they had transfiguration and to Harry's surprise they were not late. _Of course we have to have a class with Slytherin_; he thought when he saw Draco. He was prepared to say something back at Draco if he would insult Harry like he usually did. To Harry's surprise Draco didn't say anything. Harry didn't notice that Draco watched him all the time. No one else noticed it too because almost everyone stared at Harry after his scene at breakfast. _Oh how I wish I could be there for you, to hold you and kiss you. I want to make you feel better. I would do anything for you, and never let you down if you just let me show you how much I love you_, Draco thought miserably and almost didn't notice when professor McGonagall opened the door and let the students inside the class room.


End file.
